It was a full moon night as they drove along a quiet countryside road. The atmosphere was peaceful, with only a few vehicles passing by. Occasionally, she caught a glimpse of a dimly lit house in the distance. The dark shadows of trees danced in the moonlight.
She gazed up at the night sky, endless darkness adorned with twinkling stars and the majestic moon, which enhanced its splendor. As she admired the moon's beauty, she always felt a deep connection with it. She could relate to it and its different phases and loved the moon in all its phases. To her, it was the most beautiful celestial body.
In midst of her admiration session, he called her name. She turned to him, and their eyes met briefly, just for a mere second, and she saw something... something flickered in his brown eyes... something very special…. an emotion she hadn't seen before in his eyes. She wasn't sure if it was. A wave of uncertainty washed over her as the first thought that crossed her mind was that "she is unworthy of it."
Why does she believe she is unworthy of affection, admiration, and the most forbidden "love"? The mere thought of someone liking her triggers an immediate impulse in her mind that she is unworthy. But why? She often grapples with this question. Why does she undervalue herself to the extent that she thinks she doesn't deserve love, attention, or admiration?
She often feels like she is too much for others. Her emotions run more profound than most, making her feel like even her breathing might annoy those around her. She tends to care for others excessively, often neglecting her own needs to fulfill theirs. Going the extra mile for people is second nature to her; she is inherently a giving person.
However, she belives that she is difficult because she doesn't conform to others' beliefs and opinions. Her mind and emotions feels chaotic. She perceives herself as steadfast in her morals and values, which leads her to set high standards for herself and others. Consequently, people label her as complicated, stubborn, and chaotic.
Indeed, she is a complex individual with many layers and vibrant colors in her personality. She is filled with thoughts, dreams, ideas, and emotions. As a result, she often feels unworthy of love, thinking that being with her might be a hassle. Who would be willing to put in the effort to make her feel special when there are easier options available? She doesn't want to burden anyone with her standards, so she keeps her feelings to herself, not wanting to be anyone's liability.
However, she longs to be loved. She desires to be someone's priority and craves attention and affection. She dreams of being that silly crush who brings a smile to his face. The yearning to be someone's special person keeps her awake at night. She wants to be his inspiration, his muse. Her heart flutters as she observes love surrounding her, yet it aches for the love she has yet to experience.
While she strives to offer love, care, and attention to others, her heart cries out during lonely nights engulfed in darkness. She aims to be a beacon of hope in this cruel world—a candle-spreading light. The passion and boundless love she holds within her are beyond imagination.
This is her struggle between heart and mind. Her timid heart doesn't understand that her mind is trying to protect it. She has not received the love she deserves from this world. This selfish world has taken so much from her. Her selfless heart has been wounded in the past by those closest to her. People have always taken her for granted. She is innocent and far too pure for this world.
Her heart perceives that others are exploiting her and taking advantage of her. She can see through their façades, yet her pure heart always chooses to be a giver and support them. However, her mind shields her feelings with a single thought; it masks her excitement and infatuation with thoughts of unworthiness. Still, her heart skips a beat every time someone looks at her with admiration and tenderness. Yet, her mind constantly reminds her that she is and will forever be unworthy of it......
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